I think it’s reallyimportant to keep going over the characteristics of what I take to be my Fixation and to work at strategies for unfixing things. For example, I identify strongly with 5/4—a practised expert over many years at Being uniquely & wistfully melancholic and only too happy to Withdraw into a bookish world. Assuming that I might wish sometime to change (just a little but not so much as to upset the habitual cosiness), I would need to disidentify from such behaviour and move into the Top Form descriptors of my Fixation and then in the Direction of Integration.

So where are you?

Heart – programs of submission & depression

2    Identified with Helping others (negatively, to gain approval)
Talk Style: Help & advice
Have learned that survival depends on meeting parental needs – adapting self
Disidentify to be able to move from dependence on approval to being able to meet own needs

3    Identified with Hiding behind public mask in order to achieve at all costs
Talk Style: Self-promotion
Set up by parents etc to be a winner – need for approval – can’t deal with failure
Disidentify to be able to move from image & performance to a larger view of who they are

4    Identified with Being uniquely & wistfully melancholic to make up for early feelings of having been abandoned
Talk Style: Sad stories
Early loss of parental presence & emotional support – feeling of abandonment
Disidentify to be able to move from envy & sabotage of own efforts to a calm presence

Head – programs of anxiety, withdrawal & self-preservation

5    Identified with Withdrawal into a bookish world – independent thought to cover up feelings of meaninglessness
Talk Style: Dissertation
Camouflage & privacy protects them from perceived parental intrusiveness
Disidentify by sharing themselves & their knowledge & feelings with others

6    Identified with a  Need for security – freedom from external threats & hidden motives of others
Talk Style: Group thought
Set up by parents to have feelings of worthlessness & respect for authority
Disidentify by mastering fears to share their originality with others as teachers

7    Identified with Easy optimism & avoidance of pain of all kinds – diversion into fun alternatives
Talk Style: Anecdotes
Learn from parents to avoid threats by becoming a moving target
Disidentify by learning to accept the dark side of life first & then make things happen

Gut – programs of anger & fight

8    Identified with Control & dominance – always ready for confrontation, avoid displaying weakness
Talk Style: Imperatives
Early on felt unfairly controlled & limited by others – experiment with anger response
Disidentify by recognising a wider range of emotional qualities & leadership styles

9    Identified with Lack of self-worth – substitutes excessive food or information to divert anger
Talk Style: Epic stories
Parents habitually overlook wishes – absence of love: nothing much matters anyway
Disidentify by overcoming indolence and by learning that everything is connected

1    Identified with Self-righteousness & perfectionism – leading to clenched teeth resentment
Talk Style: Preach and teach
Resentment comes from bearing the burden of others’ expectations & rules
Disidentify by recognising that they don’t have to be wrathful – become more playful

CB September 2011